Skinwalkers Makes Your Flesh Creep!

So here, as best as I could understand it, is what "Skinwalkers" is about. Skinwalkers have wolf blood running in their veins. This leads them to be a fairly violent group of people. They may look like normal people (well, like normal psychopathic killer people, but otherwise normal). They can kill with curses and move at lightening speed. They are always searching the sky for the rise of the blood-red moon. Of course, Hollywood has combined werewolves and vampires because skinwalkers thirst for the taste of human blood, but that's just a minor detail.

Young "Timothy" is approaching his thirteenth birthday. Yet he is not looking forward to a Bar Mitzvah party. No, when Tim turns thirteen he will turn into a crazy, flesh eating monster. On his 13th birthday, Timothy will become another skinwalker. He, for reasons not adequately explained, has the power to end the curse and let the skinwalkers lead normal lives. If the curse ends, they no longer will need human blood (and who knows, maybe they will also get haircuts and some nice, new clothes!)

Overall, this terrifying, action adventure is not the least bit terrifying. You have to spend too much time figuring out who is who. Yes, there are "good" (relatively) skinwalkers and bad ones. Unfortunately, they tend to dress alike. It's too confusing telling them apart.

My advice, go see Ocean's Thirteen with a date instead. It's a charming comedy rather than a depraved, bloody horror film. Makes a much nicer evening out.

Watching this Movie is Torture!

The new film "Captivity" lives up to its name in that when you watch it, you feel as if you are being held captive. Luckily you can escape by leaving the theater. That being said, if anyone is still there when the closing credits come up, better send in a paramedic to make sure they are still alive.

Now, what can you say about a movie which opens with a bound and gagged male model being force fed battery acid. Don't worry, it gets even better when the heroine/victim, played by Elisha Cuthbert who should have known better, also ends up bound and gagged. I would say that there is too much gratuitous violence in this move, but that would be a mistake. The word gratuitous indicates that the violence has nothing to do with the plot and is added for no apparent reason. In Captivity, the violence is the whole plot. Anything else such as character development would be gratuitous.

Of course Cuthbert wears a sexy dress throughout and manages not to have her make-up run while being pursued and then captured (hence the creative title of the film). Yet if you really need to see her, buy a poster. Don't let Hollywood think that anyone out there could possibly value this garbage.

In fact, this film is so bad that if the projector had broken and I had sat in a completely dark room staring at the wall, it would have been a more pleasurable experience than watching Captivity. My only theory is that maybe this film was made so that virtually any other film will look good. Is a sequel to Xanadou coming out?